I just finished up buying Koy a few gifts on Amazon and it reminded me of how much learning his love language has changed our relationship for the better. You see, Koy and I have been crazy in love for going on seven years now. We are best friends, and together, have made each other better people. Sometimes, like most couples we become just a little disconnected, annoyed and distant.
I heard from fellow photographers Zach & Jody Grey about a book: The Five Love Languages, and I decided to download it to my kindle. I read the entire book in just an afternoon! You know how when you have an idea, they say a lightbulb pops on?? well I had the idea equivalent of friday night lights going on in my head. The straightforward idea that everyone expresses and receives love in different ways, makes so much sense it was revolutionary to me. Revolutionary in terms of knowing both myself and Koy, I learned SO much about how to give and receive love.
The book is full of shining examples that will not only help you understand the concept so easily, but also have you relating to the other couples in the story. What I took away from it truly did change my life. You see, I am one of the most non-materialistic people I know. I would even venture to call myself somewhat of a hippie. I learned through the book that My love language is physical touch, any physical contact, holding hands, kissing, a hug ect. says ” I love you” to me. Koy, on the other hand speaks a love language I don’t really understand: gifts. Buying him a gift be it big and expensive or tiny and thoughtful, shows him you love him. This man has always showered me with gifts, and I’m all like : why is he buying me stuff?? From day one in this relationship I have told him don’t bother with all of that, just take a walk and hold my hand. Years later, he still was buying me things, and not spending much time holding my hand. In the meantime I am clinging to him, trying to hold hands and hug, and stay close to him, and he is not feeling the love from me the way that he needs: in the form of a gift. Of course, I never thought to buy the man a gift because to me gifts are materialistic and the opposite of love, so I continued to push my ideas of love on him and nag about how he should treat me better. This created a huge disconnect, and misunderstanding in our relationship, Until I read the book. We both read it, and it changed our relationship deeply.
Koy rarely walks by me anymore without putting his arm around me, or giving me a little kiss, he now knows these things that seem so insignificant to him; mean the world to me. I spend a few dollars each month on gifts for him. Although I hate presents, it has become so much fun hunting for something perfect for him. What makes it all worth it, is that I have never seen happiness and gratitude from Koy in our entire relationship, the way I see it when he gets one of my gifts. It’s like he can finally see how much he is loved and appreciated. Buying gifts for him is a way I can say I love you, and I know he hears it loud and clear.
The five love languages will also explain a lot of the small arguments/ issues you have in your relationship. I was able to let go of so many small arguments, because the book made me realize he wasn’t doing these things on purpose, he really was clueless that they offended me. For instance, I cook a lot, I would definitely consider myself a foodie. Other people are amazed that I can make bagels from scratch or a chocolate cake even eclairs without a recipe, not Koy, his reaction is always the same : he just eats the food and without comment. If prompted, he will give you a flat ” It’s good. ” The words that used to crush my world!! I would be so upset over his nonchalance. Now, I understand that it’s just not the thing that creates excitement for Koy, and that’s ok because if he came home with a BMW wrapped in a bow, I’d probably have the same reaction.
The things I learned a couple of months ago have made our relationship become alive with love. I even started using the book to learn my kid’s love languages. I can already see the difference in their self-esteem because I am able to directly connect with them in a way that makes them feel loved and appreciated. This book is truly a life-changer, I hope everyone gets a chance to read it. For more information, and a free analysis to find your love language check out the website for the five love languages.
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